Long breaths. Deep breathe in. Deep breathe out. Doctor says its just a minor attack but the tears of my mother portrays a different story. A story i am afraid to know. A story that fell out of her eye onto the ground. Is it my heart? Does it have a hole or something? Questions remained unanswered. And answers itself were uncertain. I tell you, heart attacks are risky. And they can haunt you in your nights. Not as your worst nightmare, but as an implacable reality. Heart. Love. Girls. Girl. That one girl. Beginning my clichè story, i am in love with this alluring girl. The girl of my dreams. Not another Durjoy Dutta’s novel, but my own story. My forlorn fate. I can write all night long about her. About how gorgeous her eyes look when she lets them enter into mine. How beautiful her hair look when they dangle in the most amazing way. But I did not fall in love with her beauty or her glorious visage. Its the idea of how strong and diligent a woman can be, coming into reality. Joining peaces by peaces, her life’s chapters , i realised, there’s nobody like her. I never thought I’d fall in love with a woman so strong that i’ll start feeling weak. I don’t brag anymore that i am a strong person. Meet her, know her and you might end up feeling the same.
I have confessed and she has replied. Love isn’t my cup of tea is the way she says no to me. I have to accept it and move on. But
This ‘but’ is in my way, and maybe in her heart as well. I hear your words but I listen to your actions. You can lie but your eyes cannot. Why do i see love in those round beautiful eyes? Is it because thats what i want or is it because you aren’t that good an actor? Well, no means no right. Right.
We have a date today and I promised myself, not to say it again. A room full of balloons, rose petals on the ground, dim faded lights and she. She was still looking gorgeous than all. Eye contacts, holding hands, feeling it but not speaking it out loud. Friends we are, cant say i love her, as I promised to myself. Going back home with a bag full of presents and a heart full of emotions. My empty heart was now filled. Filled with something which cannot be put in words. She wants to say something, i can see from her face. ‘Listen’ , the first word i heard after which the same ache entered my home. I could not hear her. But I could hear my heartbeats. Felt more like a pumping machine this time, pushing me back and forth. Eyes closed. Eyes opened. I dont know how I entered this room. Smells like a hospital to me. Am i in a movie? No? Then why do i hear this beep sound just like in a bollywood drama? I cant breathe doc. I cant. And there she is. Eyes weeping. Tears which were never seen before. Holding my hand she says: I love.. Long breathes.Deep breathe in. Deep breathe out. Doctor says its just a minor attack but the tears of my mother portrays a different story. Story which is now over.He is no more, a comment came on me.
I could not hear it for the last time. Maybe she never did love me. But it was nice. Nice living with the hope. Hope that she does.